Oh Cindy, You Silly Girl.

Every once in a great while, I’ll snoop around Ebay looking for certain items I’ve always wanted. I rarely buy, but do enjoy the proverbial “window shopping” from time to time. In this case, I had found a Carolina Panthers team-signed helmet. What was so special about it? Steve Smith had signed it. Mr. Smith is kind of picky about giving his signature to anything so this was a worthy enough find for me to give it a shot. The Buy-It-Now was around $300 and the initial bid was a $100. I decided to bid on it while I thought about whether or not I wanted to purchase it. I did this to get rid of the Buy-It-Now feature. I knew I would get outbid, I just needed some time to ponder it before it got snatched up.You can view the auction here.

Anyway, I decided to ask ol’ Cinds (the seller) there a few questions due to my ignorance in regards to autographed collectibles. In the auction description it states that she has pictures of two players signing the helmet. I asked why there were only two images (considering how many signed it) and if she could email me them as proof. She replied that she would only send me the pictures once if I won the auction. Huh? That doesn’t make any sense.

In her auction description, Cindy says that “This is a stock image you won’t receive this particular one but one very similar.No problem. I ask if I could at least see an image of the helmet I’ll be receiving. I’d like to know what I’m buying before I commit myself to the $300 or so it will probably take to win this bid. She responds that the picture in the auction is the helmet I’d get. But what about the “stock photo” mumbo jumbo? “Forget it” she says. At this point, I’m pretty much convinced this isn’t a worthy investment. Something in my gut says no. I also noticed that she offers a “Certificate of Authenticity from [herself] that is guaranteed for life.” I’ll admit, I don’t know much about the collectible world, but if a CoA isn’t from a third party….isn’t it worthless? I mean, I could take a shit in a bag and certify that it was Abraham Lincoln’s. And “guaranteed for life”? Hahaha!! Think about that. If  something was signed by someone this month, it isn’t going to be magically unsigned by them in a decade. It just makes no sense.

With three days left to go in the auction, Cindy shoots me an email saying “So what’s up with the Carolina fs helmet.” I politely let her know that I’m just watching the auction. I’m not going to get in a bidding war with someone while there are still 72 hours left to go. I know she wants me to drive up the cost so she can profit, but I’m not biting. And then, to my complete shock, Cindy says that she is watching the auction too and that “I’m not going to let it go cheap…if its not where I want it to be it will be pulled on the last day and put in my store and Ill just take offers been selling team signed footballs for $240-$300.” (yes, that is her grammar) I didn’t know what to say at that point. If she thought that she was going to bully me into bidding, it just made me laugh. The whole point of an auction is to find a smoking deal. If I wanted to pay what you think it is worth, I’d just pop over to a store and pick one up without all the effort of bidding and shipping and whatnot.

I figured our business was over….and I was wrong. Cindy emailed me again to inform me that “if you have your own business [one day] you will know where Im coming from everybody is trying to lowball on high $$$ stuff its not going to happen with this item too many watchers they are a great team.” Once again, I’ve kind of reached the “huh?” moment. I respond that I do own my own freelance business and that she should’ve placed a reserve on her item if she wanted it to reach a certain point. Cindy responds by calling me “anal retentive” and that our business is over. I’m just too amused at this point to let the convo die.

My next email wishes Cindy good luck and thanks her for answering my questions. At no time did I insult her. And then the fun began. We are now pushing someone in the vicinity of 31 total emails back and forth. Things like “I didn’t know I was chatting to a 12 year old,” to which I kindly inform her that I’m 10 1/2. Then, I couldn’t resist emailing her to gloat that her football helmet had sold for a measly $202. I would’ve paid $300 if she hadn’t been such a cunt. I know the whole emailing thing is childish, but I check my inbox every morning hoping to see an email from her. She amuses me and makes the beginning of my workday that much better.

However, I would stay away from this Ebay seller. I went into the sale asking some honest questions and all I got in return was a shady, pissy, seller. Her ebay name is autographsallover and her email address is bluemoutain25@aol.com.

-Chad 2

EDIT: I just noticed the description on the ebay auction reads “a CAROLINA PANTHERS LOGO FOOTBALL SIGNED BY 37 PLAYERS” I can’t remember if it always read that or if it used to say “helmet.” I hope the buyer didn’t get burnt by this twat.