Where Ya Been?

I’m sorry I haven’t been around to post anything new. The fact that I haven’t posted an article in three months probably explains how our readership dropped from 200 a day to 20 a day. Sorry, real life can be a real pain sometimes! Hopefully, I’ll start writing again soon but I can’t promise anything!

TV Review: Dexter Season 1

Premium television shows (those aired on HBO, Showtime, & Cinemax) were long plagued with weak followings and even weaker ratings. It was hard to discuss a show that someone else may not even be able to watch. I believe that the creation of both The Sopranos and Sex in the City worked tandem to create a new generation of television series that enthralled viewers and saw individuals signing up for premium channels just to catch their weekly episode. A month ago, my wife and I stumbled across one such show: Dexter.

Dexter is the story of the man, Dexter (played by an Emmy-worthy Michael C. Hall). An individual that remorselessly kills those who have escaped the justice system with impunity. The series opens with Dexter carrying out one such murder as a teacher who has been killing young children is strapped to a table with saran wrap. After having a discussion about the reasons the man killed the children, Dexter listens intently as he begs for his life before plunging a power drill through his head.

I’m sure, at this point, you’re thinking “Why on earth would I want to watch this show?” Believe me when I say I am not that into horror shows either. However, as the series goes on you soon find that this show is not about Dexter the killer but about Dexter the person. Dex, as his father calls him, suffered a trauma early in his life that robbed him of any emotion. He doesn’t understand, nor feel, love or compassion, anger or hatred.

Dexter begins to be about the journey of a man as he fakes his way through life. He speaks of having a girlfriend just to appear “normal” and socializing with friends to give the appearance of normality. He even states that he would love his sister if he knew what that actually meant.  As each season progresses, the viewer will watch as our hero (in the oddest sense of the term…) struggles to juggle normalcy, his work and his “habit” all at once.

I forgot to mention that, due to his extreme fascination with blood, Dexter managed to land himself a job at the Miami PD as a blood spatter analyst. The irony is almost overpowering. The supporting cast in Dexter consistently help to progress the plotline and make even minor characters interesting and captivating.

Though the first episode could be considered slow, I highly recommend this series to everyone. My wife and I were so hooked we watched all 36 hours of Seasons 1-3 in less than a month!

One of my favorite quotes from Dexter:

Mike Donovan: [about killing the boys] I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t. Please, you have to understand

Dexter Morgan: Trust me, I definitely understand. See I can’t help myself either. But children I could never do that. Not like you. Never, ever kids.

Mike Donovan: Why?

Dexter Morgan: I have standards.

-Chad 2

Losing My Religion

All REM references aside, religion has caused pandemonium across the world since its creation. Religion has started wars, broke up families and slaughtered millions in the name of various Gods. Our entire society is founded on the principles laid down in the Holy Bible. Billions of people across the world look to the sky and silently ask their God for help in their darkest hour. I don’t buy a single word of any of it.

While I’m no atheist, I take serious issue with the religions of today be it Christian, Muslim or Catholic. Alluding to the lyrics of John Lennon, can you imagine if there was no heaven or hell for people to fear. I’m sure many would claim that the world would erupt into the largest display of decadence hereto seen. However, I offer a different point of view. People are going to do what they choose to do regardless of the consequences; be it jail or some fiery hole below us. Whoever created us gave us the ability to reason and choose our own morals. And because of that, humanity should strive in itself to be better individuals…not because an invisible God and ancient text tell them to do so.

I view the Holy Bible as a sort of morbid Aesop’s Fable. Baring everything else, the sheer amount of people that God killed in the Bible is staggering. I read almost the entire Bible during my brief stay with the Christian youth group Straightway and I found God to be more of a petulant child than an all-knowing Father. God is far from a kind and loving man, rather he is a rampant megalomaniac that slays individuals for the slightest indiscretion.

As this article may come across as angry and pointed, I will interject here to elaborate on faith. I honestly believe that faith has helped humanity in unimaginable ways, even if it is an intangible placebo. I understand that, given our small stature in this grand universe, we must look to something in order to convince ourselves that there is a better place, a master plan for us all. Without faith, a large part of humanity feels that they have no reason to go on living. Faith is a powerful and potent tool and I am loathe to try to take that away from anyone.

I suppose I am writing this because it is just hard for me to fathom how much stock my fellow men put into religion. My main issue there is that you can’t pick and choose which parts of religion you wish to follow. It doesn’t work like that. Having sex before marriage? You’re violating your religion. I laugh on the inside when I see that my friends have constructed some sort of archaic “custom” religion that suits themselves. They follow the parts of the Bible and “God’s word” that they want to and attend church on the rare occasion they feel like it and, in their mind, they have fulfilled their obligations to their Lord. I’ve got news for you, if there is an afterlife, I doubt the powers-that-be will take too kindly to your a la carte religion.

I just hope that people will begin to think. I want individuals to be good people because they are good people, not because an invisible God or book told them to be. I believe if someone is a bad person, and only keeps those bad actions inside because of religion, then he/she is still a bad person.

Once again, I must state that I am not an anarchist, atheist, agnostic, pagan, wiccan, pacifist, or any other slanderous term that will no doubt come my way. I am a deist and believe in a creator. I am a Freemason and believe there was a Great Architect. However, I am wholeheartedly against the logical fallacy that is religion and those that would force it on others. I am against those that would bend religion to fit their own goals and, in the process, hurt others. I am for a world united in the common goal of good morals and sound ethics. I constantly think of the biblical story of Babylon’s Tower and how God scattered mankind and cursed each with a different language to stop them from easily communicating with each other. What sort of holy father would do that?

Fat Kid Friday: SmartOnes Edition

So, as some of you may know, I officially began my diet over a week ago. I don’t advise eating frozen dinners often during a diet. Processed food is never something that should enter your mind as you seek to drop pounds. However, with that being said, we all live in the real world and sometimes we’re just too damn busy (or tired) to cook something good. This is where you’d usually turn to fast food or takeout. While these frozen meals are still not the healthiest (check below for my rants on their sodium levels), they are infinitely better for you than even a large order of fries (500 calories) or 5 pc Chicken Tenders (660 calories).

SmartOnes™  Salisbury Steak & Macaroni Cheese
Calories: 280
Grams of Fat: 8
Sodium: 840 mg

I began this meal by eating the  food I felt would taste most like “normal” food: Mac & Cheese. It didn’t fail to disappoint nor did it blow away my tastebuds. The noodles themselves are a tad overcooked (most likely the result of being steamed in the microwave) and the cheese is lackluster. However, it was not horrendous. I would say it reminded me of very average “cafeteria” mac & cheese.

Next I slowly turned to the steak. I’m almost always terrified of trying any meat from a frozen dinner. Perhaps it is just my paranoia, or maybe it is because an old roommate once gave me a turkey Hungry Man dinner that kept me on the toilet for the entire night. As far as deep frozen meat goes, the salisbury steak is actually pretty edible. As is the case with all Weightwatcher meats, it does have sort of a cardboard flavor to it, but hidden beneath that you begin to taste the undertones of high school bliss: salisbury. The gravy makes this hunk of beef borderline orgasmic (in Weightwatcher-food-terms of course…) and manages to add quite a bit of flavor to the meal.

Overall, I feel that Weightwatchers tried very hard to bring this meal into their lineup. It tasted a bit like it needed just a few more refinements, but the effort was there. However, I can’t really justify eating something containing over 800 mg of sodium on a regular basis.

SmartOnes™ Swedish Meatballs & Pasta Noodles
Calories: 270
Grams of Fat: 5
Sodium: 730 mg

When I first opened the package, I instantly thought “There is no way in hell this is going to satisfy my hunger today.” Nestled in a frozen bed of wide ribbon pasta noodles sat six medium sized meatballs. As I’ve already stated, I’m almost always leary of frozen dinner meat. However, I bravely dug into the meatballs first and was delightfully surprised to find that they were delicious. Each little morsel tasted like a homecooked meatball with just a touch of something sweet added to it. I don’t want to say it was sugar, but it was certainly enough to give it that something extra.

The noodles, while mainly in the dish as filler, were steamed just right in the microwave and came out neither tough nor mushy. The entire entree was covered in a “savory cream sauce,” the ingredients to such I know not, which was also very tasty. Not too salty, not too bland, just enough to add some yumminess to the meal.

Thus far, this meal has been my favorite. I’m still concerned with the amount of sodium in these meals, considering a Big Mac from McDonald’s contains 1040 mg of sodium. A couple hundred mg isn’t really that big of a dip to warrant spending the extra money on these meals.

SmartOnes™ Ravioli Florentine
Calories: 250
Grams of Fat: 5
Sodium: 720 mg

Up to this point, the ravioli florentine has been the most boring meal I’ve consumed. The meal consisted of perhaps 10 medium sized raviolis stuff with ricotta cheese. Surrounding my tender pasta friends was a “hearty” spinach marinara sauce. And by “hearty,” I’m assuming they mean “overwhelming.” I could barely find some of the ravioli pieces as large hunks of spinach jealously hid them from me. I’m not a huge fan of Popeye’s munchies, but I’m not against it either…in moderation.

This meal was less filling than previous ones, most likely because I didn’t eat most of the marinara and spinach. The ricotta cheese was lackluster and didn’t have any sort of real taste, just a sandy texture. I, personally, did not like this meal and probably won’t give it another shot. However, as I stated above, spinach isn’t exactly my favorite food so your mileage may vary.

SmartOnes™ Meatloaf & Mashed Potatoes
Calories: 250
Grams of Fat: 8
Sodium: A staggering 880 mg

Ironically, this meatloaf was so awful I ended up making real meatloaf for dinner later that night. I began, as is my usual style, with the mashed potatoes. While the box claimed them to be “garlic & herb,” I only tasted the garlic. That isn’t to say the ‘taters were bad, in fact they were the only highlight of this meal. The potatoes were creamy without being runny or chunky and the garlic did not overpower the natural taste of potato either.

I moved on to the brown chunk the box claimed was meatloaf. I found nary a piece of stuffing while cutting open my meat. I tried one piece without gravy. The meat was hard to chew as it was irredeemably dry. For round 2, I drowned the meatloaf in a hefty portion of the provided gravy. At first, I thought this was going to make everything zen. However, as I chewed, the gravy virtually evaporated in my mouth leaving me with yet another dried up hunk of beef tiring my jaw.

I was highly disappointed with this meal overall. I think Weightwatchers has shown they can make a good frozen meat, but this one slipped under the radar. Or they have Lassie doing the tastetesting. I could possibly live with the cardboard taste of the meat for a 1/4 cup more gravy in the bowl, but the mindboggingly high 880 mg of sodium means I’ll probably never touch this meal again.

-Chad 2

Band Name Origins Part I

I’m a sucker for a backstory regardless of the medium. Movies, stories, even bands. For some reason I just have to know the history of whatever I’m watching, reading or listening to. That is probably the reason I’m such an addict to How It’s Made.

I came up with the idea for Band Name Origins after realized that some of the music we listen to is performed by artists bearing names such as KoRn. That got me curious as to how some of my favorite bands actually concocted their names. So here we go…

1.) Godsmack
Year Founded: 1995

Name Origin: Originally, many believed the band was named after the Alice in Chains song of the same name. According to the band, they arrived at the name after one band member made a particularly inappropriate comment and another remarked “God will smack you for that one”. Hence forth one would receive a “Godsmack” for bad behavior.

2.) Metallica
Year Founded: 1981

Name Origin: For a band that got really anal over the whole Napster fiasco, the way they picked their name is irony at its best. Lars Ulrish stole the name from “Mr. Metal” of San Francisco, Ron Quintana. He was getting ready to launch a metal fanzine and had a few names. He asked, as any good person would do, his friend Lars for help, and after hearing the name “Metallica,” Lars quickly suggested a different name and kept “Metallica” for himself!

3.) Breaking Benjamin
Year Founded: 1998

Name Origin: The band derived their name from an incident when Benjamin Burnley (vocalist)  was covering a Nirvana song during an open mic night at a club when he dropped the microphone, breaking it. The person who owned the microphone came on stage and said, “Thanks to Benjamin for breaking my fucking mic.” In 1999 the band changed its name shortly to plan 9 then in late 2001, after various line-up changes, the band changed its name back to Breaking Benjamin.

4.) Project 86
Year Founded: 1998

Name Origin: Andrew Schwab, vocalist of the band, always liked the sound of 86. He felt that “it meant to reject, separate, or dismiss. As if to say we will be ourselves despite what everyone else is doing, despite rejection.” Pretty deep.

5.) Red Hot Chili Peppers
Year Founded: 1983

Name Origin: Originally known as Tony Flow and the Miraculously Majestic Masters of Mayhem (I shit you not…), the Peppers wisely decided to change their band name in light of their unexpected success. Flea and the other chose the name to represent their style of music. How that works exactly, I’m not really sure.

I’m Back!

And I see the stupidity in the world has not yet dissipated! Sorry for the long delay in posting anything new. Between getting married, looking for a house and horrendous state of the economy, I’ve been a busy guy. Today, someone emailed me an article with the subject line “2008 Carolina Panthers get F+ Grade.” Instantly, I thought they must be referring to the 2007-2008 Panthers not my beloved 12-4 2008-2009 Panthers. Dozens of reasons for this poor grade went through my mind as I waited for the page to load. Amazingly, with all my football experience and the thousands of articles I’ve read, nothing could’ve prepared me for this first paragraph:

In recent years the Panthers have had as many as 9 white starters (2006) and as many as 23 white players on their roster (2005), but in 2008 they are just another overwhelmingly black NFL team.

Huh? Did I just read that right? Maybe it was just an offhanded remark. On to paragraph two:

Carolina has joined the list of teams that remain enamored of underachieving, slow-footed, sumo-sized black offensive linemen. There are two very solid white starters in LT Jordan Gross, the former number one draft pick now in his 6th season out of Utah; and C Ryan Kalil, the second round selection in ‘07 out of Southern Cal.

At this point, I realized the sheer stupidity of this author could never be fully understood. If you want to read the rest of this blatantly racist and wholly unnecessary slander, click here. A quick “whois” search returned Don Wassell at wassall@nauticom.net as the proprietor of this website. The little bit of the website I had seen was bad enough, but not only is every NFL team listed here but practically every sport. Article after article spouts horrid racism as each sport is dissected and presented as nothing more than an abomination.

I could rant and rave, but I think the overall “wow…” factor of this website speaks for itself. Julius Peppers agrees.

-Chad 2

Book Review: I Hope They Server Beer in Hell

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell may have single-handedly destroyed my faith in humanity. Not because of what is actually written in the book, but more so that it actually made the New York Time’s Bestseller list. The author, Tucker Max describes the book in his own words: “My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead.”

The entire book is one sordid drunken affair after another. I kept waiting for him to “grow” out of it as I trudged through all 336 pages of this drivel. As each chapter ended, I was waiting for the next one to begin with “but that is all behind me now.” I figured this book must be a coming of age story for it sell so well.

Oh how wrong I was. Each tale regals us with sexual encounters, pure arrogance, elitism and copious amounts of alcohol. Tucker Max can’t seem to resist letting the world know how great he is. He finds it amusing that he managed to get fired from a huge law firm while interning. He jokes about getting a scholarship to Duke to study law and then not using the degree. I’m sure whichever lawyer had to work three jobs to pay himself through Duke is highly amused.

Reviews were mixed on I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. You can generally tell by the grammar that the people who enjoyed it are probably the people you’d expect to enjoy it. As men, we posture a great deal. It is just in our blood. However, there is a difference between saying what you’d do to a girl and actually doing it. Tucker Max has no problems hiding friends in closets to videotape him having sex or vomiting all over a girl’s room and blaming it on her dog. Nor does he have any issue degrading women and generally making an ass of himself. I’m not feminazi, but I do believe women should be respected…even if they don’t respect themselves.

I wish I could say that the stories are overexaggerated and most likely complete bullshit, but Tucker provides pictures on his website to back up his claims. He also carries a voice recorder with him everywhere he goes. Ultimately, I find this extremely depressing. He sounds like an intelligent man that could’ve done something with his life. Now, he is destined to be the old creepy guy in the corner of the bar complaining about the “days of yore” and randomly gropping freshmen.

-Chad 2

EDIT: On a sidenote, I’m astounded that they are actually making this into a movie. I don’t even think you could get away with giving this movie an NC-17 rating.

Book Review: The Last Lecture

I stumbled upon The Last Lecture a few months ago while I was perusing Amazon’s best sellers list. I briefly read through the synopsis and bought the book immediately. The Last Lecture is quite literally the last lecture given by a brilliant Carnegie Mellon professor named Randy Pausch. The difference between Dr. Pausch’s lecture and every other teacher’s is that Randy is dying. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer (which has an absurdly-high mortality rate) and given roughly six months to live. The lecture was given near the end of his life and recorded by a student. Pausch, along with a friend, transcribed and edited it to create The Last Lecture.

I so dearly wanted to be moved by this book. I bought it for that exact reason. I wanted something that made me go “Good God! I need to go live my life to the fullest!” Unfortunately, I felt anything but moved after finishing Pausch’s last words. The Last Lecture is basically a memoir left behind for the loved ones Randy was about to leave. It traces his life from childhood to his present situation.

While Pausch is not a bad writer, much of the text comes across as inarticulate and drab. I would image, however, that if one had attended the actual lecture, it would’ve had a greater impact. There are a few nuggets of wisdom here and there (eg: “Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.”), but for the most part the story was dull and uninspired. Though I hate myself for doing it, I must say that I believe the popularity of this book is only due to Dr. Pausch’s death. If I were to write a book like this, I guarantee you that it would never touch the best seller’s list, much less achieve national acclaim.

A few moments in the book made me stop and ponder for the briefest of seconds. For instance, Randy talks about how leaving behind his wife, Jai, and their three children (6 yrs, 3 yrs, 18 months). Pausch cries in the shower when he thinks of the future his children will have. I can’t fathom what it must be like to know that you are going to die in three months. To have to see the people you love every day and know that your time with them is swiftly coming to an end.

From what I gathered from the book, Dr. Pausch was a great man and will be sorely missed by hundreds, if not  thousands, of people. The legacy he left behind is so grandiose in his field of study that I doubt a lackluster book such as The Last Lecture would do much to stain it. I would recommend this book only if you can get it for a good price (the copy I got was an astronomical $16.95 for 200 pages).

-Chad 2

Here Comes the Bride

My wedding is just around the corner. 53 days to be exact. Which is one of the reasons I haven’t been on to update lately. Or at all for that matter. My sincerest apologies. Anyway, I was perusing the internet, as usual, when I stumbled across an article detailing odd wedding customs. Being the benevolent writer I am, I decided to share them with you. Enjoy!

Blackening the Bride – Scotland

The Scottish tradition of “Blackening the Bride” begins when the bride is taken by surprise and covered with all sorts of horrid substances such as rotten eggs, feathers, etc. After this important ritual, the future bride is then paraded throughout town so everyone can get a good laugh. They don’t even say why exactly.

Log Sawing – Germany

At least this one has nothing to do with poo. After our lovely German couple is married, a log is placed on two sawhorses. The newlyweds must then saw it in half, representing how they will work together to solve all problems during marriage.  Alright.

Mehindi – India

I have to admit, this one is kind of cool. The bride-to-be will begin her new life soon and, as such, is to be treated like a princess. Skilled artisans painstakingly coat the bridge’s arms and legs in intricate patterns.

Coins – Sweden

Another unique tradition, the Swedes believe placing coins in the bride’s shoes is good luck. A silver coin for dear ol’ dad goes in the left shoe and a gold coin for mom in the right shoe.

Break Stuff – Italy

The Italians believe that a groom must carry a piece of iron in his pocket to ward off evil spirits. This is also what they believe the purpose of a veil for the bride is. After the wedding, the newlyweds shatter a vase and count the pieces. Those pieces represent how many years they will be married for.

Both Feet – Ireland

The Irish, apparently, believe in fairies. And apparently these fairies are jerks. The legend goes that if a newly-married bride’s foot leaves the dance floor, fairies will rush in and steal her away. I would totally pay to see that. Well, not my bride, but you get the point.

-Chad “Will Try to Update More” 2

I Want An iMac So Bad…

Back in the day, I used to be one of the biggest Windows Fanboys you could imagine. I loathed the thought of an iMac and their uptight owners. I thought buying one of these was as stupid as purchasing a $40.00 bottle of water. I started my new job in March of 2008. The first time I walked into my office, I saw that abomination sitting on my new desk and shook my head. Luckily, my boss was more than happy to let me purchase and build my own PC.

Fast forward a year.

I can’t hardly stand using my PC. I have quickly learned to hate Vista and XP. Maybe just Windows in general. It is so sluggish and virus prone that I become enraged with it daily. I am a multitasker through and through. I must be clicking through my Outlook inbox while iTunes roars Evans Blue in the background and a 500MB file is rendering in Illustrator. This is next to impossible with my PC (even decked out with a quad core and 4GB of ram).

At work I use a 24″ iMac and I’m purely infatuated with it. The OS is unbelievably superior to anything I’ve used in the past. The programs run clean and, once you get used to it, everything else does as well. In fact, I’m not quite sure how I managed without an iMac. I imagine if you’re just going to plunk around on the internet and occasionally download some music, a PC is right up your alley. But the iMac is just soooooooooo much better.

After rereading this post, I realized that there was no actual substance to it. I just wanted the world to know that I crave an iMac like a fat kid craves cake. I just got a $2000 tax refund and I am battling with myself on whether or not to purchase one. On one hand, that money could be better put towards bills. On the other hand…..

-Chad 2